


Ludus

by mulderbaby



Series: Fictober 2020 [20]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Break Up Talk, Dana Scully Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dana Scully, Jealous Dana Scully, Post-Episode: s06e12 One Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mulderbaby/pseuds/mulderbaby
Summary: Fictober Day 28Prompt: “not interested, thank you.”
Relationships: Diana Fowley/Fox Mulder, Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Fictober 2020 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980989
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Ludus

“What are you writing over there, Scully?”

She could easily fabricate an answer to his inquiry which would satisfy his curiosity, but quite frankly, she has no regard for his satisfaction. No interest in providing him with any indication that she may have forgiven him for the way he had been acting toward her in the last several days. Because she hasn’t. She hasn’t even considered forgiving him. Because he is the last person that deserves her forgiveness.

She pretends not to hear him, scribbling away furiously at the off-white pages of her journal, filling it with all of the things she really wanted to say to him. Things, she believed, he desperately needed to hear.  
“Earth to Scully, hello in there..”

The casual tone of his voice, the way he speaks so nonchalantly, makes her blood boil. How he can sit there, trying to engage her in some silly game to get her attention, when all he’s done over the last week is treat her like absolute shit, is far beyond her comprehension.

“Scully, I know you hear me. What’s going on with you, huh?”

He tosses a pencil up at the ceiling and she silently wills it to fall right back down, poking him between the eyes. In her periphery, she sees him rise from his desk, making his way over to where she sits. At lightning speed, she slams the cover of her journal shut, shoving it away in her desk drawer.

“Nothing is going on with me, Mulder.” She says flatly, fixing her attention on the computer screen in front of her.

“Hmm.” He mumbles, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders, rubbing them slowly. There was a time when she would have appreciated the gesture, but that time was long gone. A thing of the past. “Seems like you could use some relaxing..”

She doesn’t have to turn to face him to know that he wears a shit-eating grin on his face. How dare he think she could possibly be in the mood for that when he’d done nothing but neglect her, choose Diana over her?

“Not interested, thank you.” She says, taking her lower lip between her teeth, biting down hard enough to draw blood. He would not win this game. Not with her as his opponent.

“Come on, talk to me.” He wraps his arms protectively, no, possessively, around her shoulders and she feels as though she is suffocating.

I’m not yours to be possessive of, Mulder.  
She won’t allow herself to be the grand prize in this game he plays. Only people who play fair deserve prizes, and god knows this man doesn’t ever play by the rules.

“Let go.” She demands, softly at first, hoping he will take the hint she is dropping directly in front of him. “Please.”

“Mmmm. But I missed you.” He murmurs, pressing his nose to her hair. The low timbre of his voice that she’s always found so irresistible, now sends anger coursing through her veins.

“Mulder. I’m not going to ask you again. Please, let me go.”

She cringes at the politeness of her request. As if he deserves any shred of respect from her after treating her with such blatant disregard.

“Come on, Scully.. Don’t act like this. Just.. tell me what’s wrong.”

If only it were that easy, Mulder, she muses, and suddenly corrects herself. You know what, Mulder? Maybe it is that easy.  
Nearly knocking him off of his feet, she swivels around in her chair to face him, her eyes full of fire, an ice cold blaze of repressed anger and emotion. His lips part slightly as his own eyes roam over the features of her face, trying to read her as he’d done so many times before with unrequited ease.

“Don’t profile me, Mulder.” Her tone is biting, sinking its hungry teeth into him, eager for a pound of flesh.

“Scully-”

“You wanna know what’s wrong, Mulder?” She hisses. “Do you really want to know?”

He suddenly has a pretty good idea.

“Did you ever stop and think that maybe you’re the one who’s got something wrong with them?”

The exasperation in her tone is overwhelming, and it makes him want to curl up into a ball and hide away in the corner, like a little schoolboy being scolded for playing too rough at recess.

“That you’re the one who I should tell not to ‘act like this’?”

She is crying now- bitter, angry tears that make his heart ache at the knowledge that he is the one who has caused them.

“After all this time Mulder..” She seethes. “Just when I think I’ve finally won.. When i think i’ve finally figured you out..” She shakes her head quickly, wiping tears from her eyes as she tries to regain her composure. “Some busty brunette comes along and you’re suddenly at her beck and call. Everything’s about her, Mulder, it’s all ‘but Diana says this’, ‘Diana thinks that’. Do you know how that fucking feels, Mulder? After all we’ve been through together?”

He wants to speak, but the lump in his throat prevents him from doing so. He can’t even think straight in the midst of her rage.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like, Mulder? To be so fucking enamored with someone who only picks you when there’s nothing else to choose from?”

Her words, the way she sobs - a downpour of the worst pain he’s ever felt - inundating him with guilt and anguish until he is rendered breathless, speechless.

“Don’t you have anything to say, Mulder?” She begs, hurt even further by the way he stands so helplessly before her, saying nothing.

“Oh, Scully..” His lip quivers as he speaks. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am..” He reaches for her hand but she quickly pulls away.

“Are you, though, Mulder? Or are you only sorry because she’s not here anymore?”

He swallows hard, knowing this would likely be his last chance to say the words that would hopefully save them both.

“Damn it, Scully, you are the one I love. It’s always been you, Dana.. Don’t even pretend like you don’t know that.” He pleads, his eyes full of remorse and longing.

“Mulder, if that’s true, then why do you treat me like a joke? Is our love- is our love a game to you?”

Her words are like bitter poison, begging to expose him for all of his wrongdoing, corroding him- mind, body, and soul. In this moment, he knows that nothing he can say or do will reverse the damage he has already inflicted so carelessly. Upon her, upon their love.

“Because if that’s true, Mulder..” She sniffs, rubbing at her eyes before taking a deep breath. “If this is all a game to you.. If i’m some sort of consolation prize..”

“Scully..”

The look in his eyes - sincerity in the form of pooling, scorching tears - tells her that he really is sorry. That he could never think so little of her as she had claimed. That she is, in fact, the one he loves. The only one he will ever love. Her mind knows this to be true, but her heart says otherwise, and tonight, her heart will be the only one to emerge victorious from this game they play.

“Then maybe.. The only way to win, is not to play.”

———


End file.
